saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
