All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
