Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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