I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
