areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
