I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
