she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
