It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
