yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
