my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
