he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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