if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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