Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
