don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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