So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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