Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
