you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
