he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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