I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
