i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
