Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
