was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize