I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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