I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
