Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
