i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
