I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
