Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
