My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
