Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
