guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I want a musical about memes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
