Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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