Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
