Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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