You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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