; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
