I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
