Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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