i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
