I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
