the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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