3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
