She is in my trunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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