So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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