I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
