hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
