shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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