maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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