You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
tell me about the eggs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
