He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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