my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
two words...techno handjob
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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