so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize