a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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