So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
