I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
