He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
