Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
