Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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