I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
