hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We need to get me chipped asap
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
