WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
