I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
