u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
