...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
