I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
