And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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