dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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