I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
