She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
