someone threw a dead crab at me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
