Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
