I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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