Moan for me like Helen Keller
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
