I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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